Off On A Tangent

Ponderings

You know how you start doing something, thImageen get totally distracted and go off on a tangent. Well, I set off to declutter and tidy my office and, being already exhausted, began by going on the internet to read articles about how to tidy an office. That way I could pretend I was actually working, you know, without actually working.

So in my search for handy hints and tips on decluttering, there were many other checklist type articles to choose from. I didn’t look at any, but I decided instead to imagine what they would say if I clicked on them. Presuming they were written by someone on a deadline.

  1. Valentines day checklist. – Get boyfriend or girlfriend. Check.
  2. Get organised with checklists. – Check.
  3. Helpful moving tips and checklist. – Pick up object. Move it. Check.
  4. What to include in a babysitter’s checklist.- Baby. Check.
  5. How to find the energy to declutter. – Sleep. Check.
  6. Secrets to cut down junk snail mail. – Fit shredder to letter box. Check.
  7. Top ten spring cleaning tips for excellent and quick results. – Hire ten cleaners. Check.
  8. How to get your child to love reading. – Sell TV. Check.

Back Away Slowly

Rants

Alright, so I’m out hunter gathering as per usual. In between being hopelessly distracted by electric guitar versions of the Skyrim theme tune. Oh so good…

But rocketing back to the job hunt thing, you ever look at an advert and think, hum, working for someone like you might be as fun as being basted in honey and dipped in a barrel of fire ants, but that’s purely conjecture. Take this advert for example:

What blind publisher did you use?

Just looking at this ad’ raises a few question marks about what working for this person might or might not be like. Whether or not these suspicions are valid, one may not know. You’d have to actually work for them to find out and by then, it could be too late.

Behold, the fact that this person is a published writer (apparently) and yet doesn’t seem to realise that the letter at the beginning of a sentence really ought to begin with a capital. And they haven’t just done it once, but every single time. Leading me to hypothesise that either they genuinely don’t understand basic grammar, or their publisher has a very patient proof reader, or perhaps their shift key has fallen off their keyboard.

Coupled of course with the fact they said there instead of their.

I’m not saying that I’m the poster child for perfect spelling and grammar, I too suffer from occasional mis-strokes, type-o’s, genuine ignorance and simple grammar issues (such as starting a sentence with an ‘and’) but I’m not claiming to be a published writer.

 

It may be petty and pedantic I know, but if they clearly think so little about their adverts and will happily slap dash out a mindless request for an artist without taking the time to even so much as use more than one hand (possible explanation for lack of capital letters) then we’re either dealing with an amputee, an unbelievably lazy ”writer” or a serial master-debater.

One can only imagine that working for them would be something along the lines of

Oh I don’t really know what I want you to do, just sort’ve draw…a thing..with, I dunno, a hat.

So, you do and then you’ll get.

Uh huh yeah…I like it but, I dunno, can you kind’ve change, like, everything?

And this will repeat, ad nausium, until you’re not even anywhere near the original description you were given and before you know it you’re getting requests to add trampolines and sail boats and exploding planets into the background of two ponies kissing as a pictorial representation for an elephant in a hat going on a picnic – or something.

I’m just saying. That’s the impression I get from reading this advert. Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but if experience has taught me anything it’s that sometimes you’ve got to go on your gut instinct with these things before you end up sobbing over your drawing board as you redraft your sketch for the tenth time wondering why you didn’t decide to become a milk man.

Oh yeah, and plus the very last thing at the bottom of the advert…