Well, I know it’s been a couple of days since my last posting, but there you go. Sometimes people get busy, even a starving artist like me. Although, speaking of starving, I have actually been making a concerted effort to eat something every single day, I’m a bit compulsive when it comes to sticking with proven successes though and since I discovered about a week ago that I could cook baked potatoes, that is what I have been having each and every night. Sometimes with beans, sometimes with canned spaghetti, sometimes with bacon, sometimes with cheese. Heck, I’m practically Heston Blumenthal over here with all of my culinary wizardry.
In between these feats of kitchen prowess, I have been both working on illustrations for a children’s book and, as per normal, hunting for more work. Always important to try and plan ahead for when the job comes to an end.
After spending as long as I do looking at “illustrator wanted” type adverts, you begin to see patterns emerging. The same turns of phrase here and there. If you’re new to the hunting game, you may just take everything you read at face value, so in the spirit of generosity and bon ami, I’m going to save you some time by translating 15 of the most commonly used idioms I have encountered in my travels.
1) “Quite simple job” means “I’m not planning on paying much money for this”
2) “It shouldn’t take long” means “I’m not planning on paying much money for this”
3) “looking for a budding artist” means “I’m not planning on paying much money for this”
4) “will create great exposure for you” means “I’m not planning on paying much money for this”
5) “perfect for an art student” means “I’m not planning on paying much money for this”
6) “looking for someone who has talent and is looking to break out” means “I’m not planning on paying much money for this”
7) “OPPORTUNITY!” means “You’re going to LOVE not getting paid for this!”
8) “this is a labour of love” means “I’m working for free, so you will be too!”
9) “Looking for inspiring artists” means “I probably don’t know the difference between inspiring and aspiring AND I’m not planning on paying much money for this.”
10) “Let’s make a name for ourselves” means “I want to be a famous writer, anyone want to help me for free?”
11) “Helloooooo” means “I’m whimsically insane! Hahahahahahahahaaaaaa!!”
12) “xoxoxox” means “Lock up your bunnies….”
13) “we have LOTS of long term potential and growth” means “but right now, we can’t afford to pay you.”
14) “We could make something really magical and change our lives.” See number 10.
15) “Make some extra $$$” or “GREAT OPPORTUNITY TO MAKE EXTRA CASH!!!” means “Some way, somehow, we are going to rip you off.”
I may do more on another occasion, should the need arise. But right now, I must journey ever onwards through the tangled forests of potential employment, hunting out life giving fruit in amongst the thorns and poison berries…wow…now I’m a cross between Heston Blumenthal and Bear Grylls!
If either of them were also illustrators.